fredag 11. oktober 2013


“Yes, I Gas Dogs and Cats for a Living. I’m an Animal Control officer in a very small town in central North Carolina. I’m in my mid thirties,and have been working for the town in different positions since high school. There is not much work here, and working for the county provides good pay and benefits for a person like me without a higher education. I’m the person you all write about how horrible I am. I’m the one that gasses the dogs and cats and makes them suffer. I’m the one that pulls their dead corpses out smelling of Carbon Monoxide and throws them into green plastic bags. But I’m also the one that hates my job and hates what I have to do.

First off, all you people out there that judge me, don’t. God is judging me, and I know I’m going to Hell. Yes, I’m going to hell. I wont lie, it’s despicable, cold, cruel and I feel like a serial killer. I’m not all to blame, if the law would mandate spay and neuter, lots of these dogs and cats wouldn’t be here for me to gas. I’m the devil, I know it, but I want you people to see that there is another side to me the devil Gas Chamber man.

The shelter usually gasses on Friday morning. Friday’s are the day that most people look forward to, this is the day that I hate, and wish that time will stand still on Thursday night. Thursday night, late, after nobody’s around, my friend and I go through a fast food line, and buy 50 dollars worth of cheeseburgers and fries, and chicken. I’m not allowed to feed the dogs on Thursday, for I’m told that they will make a mess in the gas chamber, and why waste the food.

So, Thursday night, with the lights still closed, I go into the saddest room that anyone can every imagine, and let all the doomed dogs out out their cages. I have never been bit, and in all my years doing this, the dogs have never fought over the food. My buddy and I, open each wrapper of cheeseburger and chicken sandwich, and feed them to the skinny, starving dogs.

They swallow the food so fast, that I don’t believe they even taste it. There tails are wagging, and some don’t even go for the food, they roll on their backs wanting a scratch on their bellys. They start running, jumping and kissing me and my buddy. They go back to their food, and come back to us. All their eyes are on us with such trust and hope, and their tails wag so fast, that I have come out with black and blues on my thighs.. They devour the food, then it’s time for them to devour some love and peace. My buddy and I sit down on the dirty, pee stained concrete floor, and we let the dogs jump on us. They lick us, they put their butts in the air to play, and they play with each other. Some lick each other, but most are glued on me and my buddy.

I look into the eyes of each dog. I give each dog a name.

They will not die without a name.

I give each dog 5 minutes of unconditional love and touch.

I talk to them, and tell them that I’m so sorry that tomorrow they will die a gruesome, long, torturous death at the hands of me in the gas chamber.

Some tilt their heads to try to understand.

I tell them, that they will be in a better place, and I beg them not to hate me.

I tell them that I know I’m going to hell, but they will all be playing with all the dogs and cats in heaven.

After about 30 minutes, I take each dog individually, into their feces filled concrete jail cell, and pet them and scratch them under their chins. Some give me their paw, and I just want to die. I just want to die. I close the jail cell on each dog, and ask them to forgive me. As my buddy and I are walking out, we watch as every dog is smiling at us and them don’t even move their heads. They will sleep, with a full belly, and a false sense of security.

As we walk out of the doomed dog room, my buddy and I go to the cat room.

We take our box, and put the very friendly kittens and pregnant cats in our box.

The shelter doesn’t keep tabs on the cats, like they do the dogs.

As I hand pick which cats are going to make it out, I feel like I’m playing God, deciding whose going to live and die.

We take the cats into my truck, and put them on blankets in the back.

Usually, as soon as we start to drive away, there are purring cats sitting on our necks or rubbing against us.

My buddy and I take our one way two hour trip to a county that is very

wealthy and they use injection to kill animals.

We go to exclusive neighborhoods, and let one or two cats out at a time.

They don’t want to run, they want to stay with us. We shoo them away, which makes me feel sad.

I tell them that these rich people will adopt them, and if worse comes to worse and they do get put down, they will be put down with a painless needle being cradled by a loving veterinarian. After the last cat is free, we drive back to our town.

It’s about 5 in the morning now, about two hours until I have to gas my best friends.

I go home, take a shower, take my 4 anti-anxiety pills and drive to work.. I don’t eat, I can’t eat. It’s now time, to put these animals in the gas chamber. I put my ear plugs in, and when I go to the collect the dogs, the dogs are so excited to see me, that they jump up to kiss me and think they are going to play.

I put them in the rolling cage and take them to the gas chamber. They know. They just know. They can smell the death.. They can smell the fear. They start whimpering, the second I put them in the box. The boss tells me to squeeze in as many as I can to save on gas. He watches. He knows I hate him, he knows I hate my job. I do as I’m told. He watches until all the dogs, and cats (thrown in together) are fighting and screaming. The sounds is very muffled to me because of my ear plugs. He walks out, I turn the gas on, and walk out.

I walk out as fast as I can. I walk into the bathroom, and I take a pin and draw blood from my hand. Why? The pain and blood takes my brain off of what I just did.

In 40 minutes, I have to go back and unload the dead animals. I pray that none survived, which happens when I overstuff the chamber. I pull them out with thick gloves, and the smell of carbon monoxide makes me sick. So does the vomit and blood, and all the bowel movements. I pull them out, put them in plastic bags.

They are in heaven now, I tell myself. I then start cleaning up the mess, the mess, that YOU PEOPLE are creating by not spay or neutering your animals. The mess that YOU PEOPLE are creating by not demanding that a vet come in and do this humanely. You ARE THE TAXPAYERS, DEMAND that this practice STOP!

So, don’t call me the monster, the devil, the gasser, call the politicians, the shelter directors, and the county people the devil. Heck, call the governor, tell him to make it stop.
As usual, I will take sleeping pills tonight to drown out the screams I heard in the past, before I discovered the ear plugs. I will jump and twitch in my sleep, and I believe I’m starting to hallucinate.

This is my life. Don’t judge me. Believe me, I judge myself enough.”

Anonymous in North Carolina”

torsdag 10. oktober 2013

Movies to watch.

Sens and Sensibility
Igby Goes Down 
I Do: How to Get Married and Stay Single
Billy Elliot
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
The Full Monty
The Constant Gardener 
Big Love
Lady and the Tramp
Whale Rider 
Pretty Woman
Four Weddings and a Funeral
Office Space
Dan in Real Life
What Women Want 
Die Hard: With a Vengeance
Cruel Intentions
The American President
I Could Never Be Your Woman
Erin Brockovich 
Under the Tuscan Sun
When Harry Met Sally
As Good as It Gets
Thelma & Louise
Out of Africa
Sex and the City: The Movie
Just Friends
Can’t Buy Me Love
Revolutionary Road
Stand and Deliver
This Is England
The English Patient
What’s Eating Gilbert Grape
Stand by Me
Y Tu Mamá También
Fried Green Tomatoes
Romeo + Juliet
The Breakfast Club
The Blind Side
Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
Tiny Furniture
Kill Bill: Vol. 1
9 1/2 Weeks
Love Actually
Jerry Maguire
Cold Mountain 
Little Women
Léon: The Professional
About a Boy
Margot at the Wedding
The Governess
Dragon Tattoo Trilogy: Extended Edition 
(500) Days of Summer
American Pie
You Again 
Rosemary’s Baby
Almost Famous
The Craft 
Jurassic Park
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
Before Sunrise
Julie & Julia
Slumdog Millionaire
The Cove
The Young Victoria
Jane Eyre
Two for the Road
Sex and Lucía 
Dead Man Walking
Sliding Doors
The Duchess
The Piano
Amores Perros
She’s All That 
Bridget Jones’s Diary
Becoming Jane
Love Story
Norma Rae
Eyes Wide Shut
The Squid and the Whale
A League of Their Own
Kramer vs. Kramer
Wives & Daughters
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Dead Poets Society 
Annie Hall
Empire Records
Before Sunset
The Notebook
United States of Tara
Water Lilies 
Inglourious Basterds
Beverly Hills, 90210
Chappelle’s Show 
Mighty Aphrodite
The Dreamers
Seven Psychopaths
Barton Fink
American History X
Full Metal Jacket
In Bruges
American Beauty
Life of Pi
Ferris Beauller’s Day Off
A Beautiful Mind
Moonrise Kingdom
This Must Be The Place
City of God
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Donnie Darko
True Romance
Blade Runner
the Fifth Element
Never Let Me Go
The Big Lebowski
V for Vendetta
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Amores Perros
Lords of Dogtown
the Lives of Others
Being There
Being John Malkovich
Pulp Fiction
Across the Universe
A Clockwork Orage
Cinema Paradiso
Exit Through the Gift Shop
Y Tu Mama Tombien
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Easy Rider
Dr. Strangelove
The 400 Blows
The Tree of Life
Run Lola Run
American Psycho
The Taste of Others
The Social Network
The Descendants
As Good as it Gets
The Place Beyond The Pines
Drinking Buddies
Win Win
Life is Beautiful
Cinema Paradiso
Bicycle Thieves
Into the Wild
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Boat that Rocked
Where the Wild Things Are
Reservoir Dogs
Fight Club
the Darjeeling Limited
Blue Jasmine
The Great Gatsby
The Spectacular Now
Like Crazy

søndag 6. oktober 2013

So i sat on the buss(about 5 minuets ago). And here comes two elderly women.. These two were chatting about life and stuff, normal elderly talk. Then suddenly one of them said one of the most beautiful things I´ve heard today. The women said ´´Geesh tomorrows going to have a beautiful rainbow.´´ Because it was raining heavily. I just think that was beautiful because it was a different way of seeing things. Normally somebody would say, something like ´´I´ts raining so much´´or something like that. I don´t know, it was just something about it in that moment.

torsdag 3. oktober 2013

Even though you’re not equipped,
keep searching:
equipment isn’t necessary on the way to the Lord.
Whoever you see engaged in search,
become her friend and cast your head in front of her,
for choosing to be a neighbor of seekers,
you become one yourself;
protected by conquerors,
you will yourself learn to conquer.
If an ant seeks the rank of Solomon,
don’t smile contemptuously upon its quest.
Everything you possess of skill, and wealth and handicraft,
wasn’t it first merely a thought and a quest?

søndag 30. juni 2013

Just before our love got lost you said
“I am as constant as a northern star”
And I said, “Constant in the darkness
Where’s that at?
If you want me I’ll be in the bar”

On the back of a cartoon coaster
In the blue TV screen light
I drew a map of Canada
Oh Canada
With your face sketched on it twice

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you
I could drink a case of you darling
Still I’d be on my feet
I’d still be on my feet

Oh I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I’m frightened by the devil
And I’m drawn to those ones that ain’t afraid
I remember that time that you told me, you said
“Love is touching souls”
Surely you touched mine
“Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
And you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you
I could drink a case of you darling
Still I’d be on my feet
I’d still be on my feet

I met a woman
She had a mouth like yours
She knew your life
She knew your devils and your deeds
And she said
“Go to him, stay with him if you can
Oh but be prepared to bleed”
Oh but you are in my blood you’re my holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
I could drink a case of you darling

Joni Mitchell

søndag 23. juni 2013

There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of the imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don’t work.
Anais Nin

fredag 21. juni 2013

Feeling so stuck today.I have this big wanderlust that I just can't seem to shake off. I want to travel the world  with beautiful people,meet new people,meet new traditions,and just live my life,not wasting a single second. But i guess one beautiful day it will be that day.